Cross roads

Standing at the crossroads of my life
Like threads upon a tapestry,
The roads stretch out from me.
I wonder how I got to here,
Was it fate or was it fear.
What am I to do.

Will I retreat to the comfort of my past,
To my memories and hope I will not dream.
To try get by,
Without reaching for the stars and dare to hope.
For hopes bring also fears.
Will I forgo the chance of happiness
To ensure there are no tears.

But the past holds other memories too,
Of things I’ve said or didn’t do,
Will I be contended to live with such regret,
To blot them out and hope that I forget.

I fear I will be hollowed out inside,
To become a husk,
Where a man did once reside.
Is this my fate, to live out my days
In a place I can’t abide.

Or will I become obtuse,
And travel while really standing still.
As a passenger on a train
Who watches life go passing by,
Not feeling anything,
No heartache or no pain.
Like a spectator at the gate
Who watches, but won’t participate.
Neither out or neither in
Who cannot lose but cannot win,
Will I always be afraid,
To be hurt again.

Is this the way
To be partly part of life
Without the trouble or the strife
Without the anger or the gain
To live but never love,
Alive but really dead,
Knowing there nothing left ahead.

Or will I leap and try again,
To hold a hand upon the beach
And watch the ocean tide roll in,
To see the white foam ride the waves
And smell the sea spray in my hair.
To taste the salt and hear the mermaids sing again,
Will they sing their songs for me.

Is this the road I want to take,
To throw the dice and raise the stakes,
To throw caution to the winds.

I grow old, and older I will get
I have been told,
I feel the lights grow dim in me.
My time is measured out in cups of tea.
Each day that passes by
I feel the boy that once could fly
Come back again,
I will hold his hand and die.

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